The Healing Power of Forgiveness

by Faith Hill

Forgiveness has always been part of our human society and is featured in multiple historic religious texts but many people do not realise its powerful healing powers for inner peace and personal growth.

When someone wrongs us, they will usually apologise to us. However heartfelt or not, we will accept their apology but we don’t always move on. We hold a grudge or create a grievance and don’t practice true forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a choice

Holding a grudge or creating a grievance – big or small – is not good for our mind and body health. It creates anxiety, stress, emotional pain and even depression.

By choosing to forgive, we open ourselves up to more self love and love for others. Forgiveness frees us from these emotional ailments and allows us to move forward.

It is a process of healing which builds our strength and resilience by helping us to identify negative behaviourial patterns, in turn allowing us to learn and grow.

Be a hero not a victim

More often than not, when we create a grievance or grudge, we put ourselves into a position of victimhood, when in fact if we reframe the situation and forgive, we become the hero instead.

It is important to remember that forgiveness does not condone bad behaviour or excuse intentional hurt such as lying or cheating. You probably won’t forget the experience but you can forgive it; you can let go of the heaviness and pain to feel light and free again.

Why we need to forgive ourselves more

Self forgiveness creates a more loving and positive relationship with yourself and therefore others. It enables the same benefits as forgiving others – releasing stress and anxiety and allowing ourselves to breathe deeply and easily in our learning and growth.

How to forgive yourself

1. For self forgiveness to be genuine and for you to truly benefit from the process, you have to be ready to forgive. Sometimes we need days, weeks or even months in extreme circumstances to feel ready. There’s no point pretending or rushing into the process.

2. Firstly, look at what caused your issue; your upset, anger, shame or guilt. Be specific about it; generalising won’t work. It’s like setting a goal; something general is unachievable but something specific is in reach.

3. Own your mistakes, errors and misjudgments. Recognise when you incorrectly place blame on others for your own actions, for example ‘I said that because she did this’.

4. Then see what negative story or stories you have created around the issue. Ask yourself do I really want to be carrying this heaviness around with me? Realise how lighter life will be without this story. Know the past is the past and re-focus on the present.

5. Take your power back. Giving your energy and attention to a grudge or grievance means you have given away your power to the ‘perpetrator’. By transcending the grievance to forgiveness, you regain power over your life and your experiences.

6. Find a quiet place and do what you need to to feel calm. Say out loud to yourself ‘I forgive you’ or ‘I forgive myself’ ‘it’s okay’. Repeat as many times as you feel necessary to truly feel forgiven. Notice any resistance that may arise and be aware of what messages you are telling yourself to create this resistance.

7. If someone else is involved in your self grudge and you feel it will cement your self forgiveness, apologise – genuinely – to the person involved. It will aid your healing process. They may not accept your apology but that is their story.

8. Implement the learnings from each self forgiveness process to improve your future behaviours and reactions. See how it positively enhances your character and existence. Over time, this will become natural.

Want to share your story?

We LOVE hearing from our community and past students.

 If you’d like to share comments, feedback, or if you’d like to submit your own post for us to share, let us know  by contacting us!