By Francie La Flow

Do you ever feel like you’re not enough?
Or maybe, on the flip side, like you’re too much?

If so, I see you. I feel you. I am you.

The worthiness wound has been one of my biggest teachers, and truthfully, it’s still an ongoing journey for me. Even after years of singing, teaching and sharing my voice with the world, I still catch myself in moments of comparison, self-judgment and questioning my place.

Some days, I hear the old whispers:
“Who am I to take up space?”
“What if my voice isn’t good enough?”
“What if people judge me?”

Other days, it swings the other way:
“Am I too much?”
“Am I taking up too much space?”
“Will people think I’m full of myself?”

This push and pull, feeling not enough AND too much, is the paradox of the worthiness wound.

Where the worthiness wound comes from

For so many of us, growing up with big emotions in families that didn’t have the tools to truly see or understand us, where the response was often to medicate, dismiss or ignore, led to deep self-suppression. We learned to shape-shift, to people-please, to stay small and to keep from disrupting the delicate balance of our family systems.

One of my biggest teachers, Gabor Maté, speaks about the tension between attachment and authenticity. As kids, our need to belong, to feel safe, to be loved, often trumped our ability to fully express who we truly are. That can leave us feeling lost as adults, when we start to feel the call to strip away the masks, the personas and the voices we’ve crafted to fit into the world.

So who are we really, underneath all that?
And how do we give ourselves the space and freedom to be who we are, whether or not we’re accepted for it?

I believe that, with few exceptions, our parents did the best they could with what they had. No one intentionally sets out to suppress their children’s voices. Healing, becoming who we truly are, is a journey of unlayering, of releasing the adaptive patterns that once kept us safe and no longer serve us.

And at the core of this process? We often find trauma, much of it rooted in our earliest relationships. Just as trauma is formed in relationships, it is also healed through them.

The worthiness wound and the throat chakra

The worthiness wound is mental, and it is also energetic, emotional and deeply somatic.

The throat chakra, Vishuddha, is the energy center of authentic expression, truth and self-worth. It governs how freely we communicate, sing and share our voices. (If you want to go deeper here, I wrote a guide on how to balance your throat chakra.)

When our worthiness is in question, the throat closes.
We hesitate. We hold back. We silence our truth.

And the worthiness wound can block the heart too.

So many of us struggle with feeling disconnected from love, joy and authentic self-expression because deep down, we don’t feel worthy of being seen and received fully.

We fear rejection.
We doubt ourselves.
We let the fear of being too much convince us to be less.

And this costs us so much.

When we make ourselves small, we rob the world of our gifts.
When we shrink our voice, we suppress our truth.
When we doubt our worth, we deny ourselves the joy of full expression.

No matter how powerful, successful or “together” someone may seem, this wound is universal. Worthiness is a shared human experience. It is our struggle, all of ours, and by acknowledging it and bringing it into the light, we can begin to heal.

How the worthiness wound shows up in your voice

In my work, I meet the worthiness wound most often in the body and in the voice. When early experiences taught you that expressing yourself led to dismissal or disappointment, your nervous system learned to protect you by shrinking your voice. It can sound like:

• Fading out at the end of your sentences
• Apologizing before you speak
• Upspeak, so a statement arrives sounding like a question
• Matching other people’s tone to avoid conflict
• Losing your voice, or going blank, under pressure
• Pushing and getting louder, to prove you deserve the space

These are the freeze, fawn and fight responses living in your throat. I map all four survival responses onto the voice in Trauma and the voice.

How to use your voice for self-healing: 5 ways to heal the worthiness wound

The insight lives in your head. The block lives in your body. So these five practices move from your thoughts into your body and your sound.

1. Recognize the inner critic and question the story

That voice of self-doubt, that feeling of “not enough”, is an old wound speaking.

Ask yourself:
“Is this belief really mine? Or was it given to me by culture, teachers, family, society?”

Then reframe it.
When you hear “I’m not good enough,” try saying “I am learning, growing, and already enough.”
When you hear “I have nothing valuable to share,” try saying “My voice is meaningful because it is real.”

2. Give yourself permission to take up space

You are allowed to take up space. You deserve to be seen and heard.

Try this:

• Feel your feet on the floor and soften your jaw.
• Stand tall, open your chest and take a deep, expansive breath.
• Imagine your voice filling the entire room.
• Say out loud: “I am worthy of being heard.”
• Sing a sound that feels full, open and embodied.

The more you practice owning your space, the more natural it becomes. If you would like a guide, the Permission to Sing meditation in my free Somatic Voice Starter Kit was made for exactly this.

3. Let go of sounding “good enough”

So much of the worthiness wound around the voice comes from the idea that we have to prove something, that our voice has to be “good enough” to deserve to be heard.

What your voice asks for is presence.

Sing because it feels good.
Express because you need to move energy.
Use your voice for the joy of it.

Ask yourself:
“What if I let go of being ‘good enough’ and focused on being fully present?”

4. Hum, tone and chant to open your throat

When the throat is blocked, the best way to clear it is to use it. You find your voice by using it.

• Humming (awakens resonance and flow)
• Toning (long, open sounds like AHHH, OHHH, EEEE)
• Mantra singing (repeating simple sounds to open the channel)
• Shouting or laughing (yes, really, make some noise!)

A 90-second way to start: soften your jaw and let your teeth come apart. Take three audible sighs. Hum once, on any note, and notice where you feel it, in your chest, throat, face or lips. Then hum once more, a little longer. Humming counts!

The more you use your voice, the more you tell your body:
“It is safe for me to express.”

5. Remember that worthiness is a choice

Worthiness is something we choose to believe in, again and again.

You are already worthy, before you do more, be more or achieve more.

Try this affirmation:
“I am worthy of love, joy and expression. My voice is valuable. I take up space with ease and grace.”

Your voice is ready to be heard

Healing the worthiness wound is ongoing work that asks for patience, and often for being in relationship, to peel back the most subtle layers. Be gentle with yourself on the days the old whispers come back. They come back for me too.

If you want to feel how worthiness lives in your whole body, read cultivating embodied resonance next.

You are worthy. Your voice matters.

Which of those old whispers do you hear most often?

About Francie

Francie La Flow is a voice healer, somatic guide, bhakti musician and retreat leader based in Ubud, Bali, with more than 15 years of experience. She holds an E-RYT 500 with Yoga Alliance and a BA in Psychology and Philosophy from McGill University, and is trained in Compassionate Inquiry. She works with people all over the world through 1:1 sessions, online programs and retreats in Bali and Thailand.